i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
