i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize