I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
