Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
