Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
