He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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