so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
