I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
