so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
