I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
