I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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