Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
