so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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