worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
