I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i dont even know how to be here
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
