After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Holy shit dude........stairs
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
