I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
