I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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