so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
