You're so nebulous sometimes
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
