Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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