went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
