The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
