i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You need Xanax blowdarts
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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