Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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