So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
