I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
