your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
