My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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