okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
