I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
