I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
