dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
