I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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