There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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