Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
