yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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