ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
