That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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