mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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