You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
