I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I can't turn off my feet"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
