Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
