So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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