his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
