i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
