my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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