i'm signing you up for texting rehab
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
