But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
