Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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